


When

by ZoeNoDots



Series: questions [3]
Category: Victorious
Genre: F/M, last one i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5565259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeNoDots/pseuds/ZoeNoDots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beck Oliver knew it was over. He was just waiting for the moment. When.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I know y'all are probably tired of me using the same pattern yet AGAIN, but a) I kinda like it and b) I had to do Beck's POV, I've been thinking about it ever since I wrote Tori's POV. Anyway, it's probably a bit OOC and I definitely should've spent a little more time on it, but meh. Beck is hard to write and I'll probably edit the entire thing in a few days anyway, so whatever. You know the drill though, give me some love or feedback, or don't, but def enjoy the story!

Beck Oliver knew it was over. He was just waiting for the moment. When.

When Jade would break up with him. He knew it was only a matter of time, but for some reason he held on and hoped. (Sometimes.) Because even if she wasn't his anymore, he was still fully, completely, willingly hers, no matter what. He couldn't change that, didn't want to either.

So he was stuck waiting for the moment when she'd tell him, say the words, offer the explanations, reasons, confessions. (Secrets.) He dreaded the day, he wished it would never come, wished it was so far in the future he wouldn't live long enough to see it. But he knew time was running out, soon all that would be left was one day (one hour, one minute, one moment). He knew it didn't matter, everything had already changed, and soon enough he'd be destroyed.

Because Beck knew.

He knew how Jade felt about him, and about Tori. He noticed immediately that they had something, a pull, an attraction, a force between them. Something him and Jade didn't have, at least not anymore. Probably not ever. Tori and Jade had an air of inevitability, whereas his relationship with Jade had one of finality. It was limited, temporary, expired. He knew he had to let go, but all he could do was hold on tighter. But his grip was like smoke, because Jade didn't belong to anyone except herself, that was something he never could have changed. (And Beck didn't like that.) But he loved Jade, he didn't want it to end just yet, pulled the pieces of his cracked heart together. He stayed calm, cool, collected. He tolerated a lot more of her tantrums, ignored her blatant staring at Tori, and the subtle glances as well. He didn't question when she avoided him, ignored him. He had to learn to live without her anyway. Eventually.

(He didn't.)

He was left helplessly watching the scene unfold in front of him. The way Jade would sit opposite of Tori at lunch, just so she could look at her. The way Tori is practiacally immune to Jade's fury, just so she could still spend time with her. The way they slowly start hanging out togehter, alone, because they just can't help themselves. The way he is slowly slipping away. Because the moment would come. When.

When it was all over. When he'd stand at his locker, watching them walkng away hand in hand. When he'd sit at a different table or desk, instead of next to Jade. When he'd stop talking to the entire group because they all reminded him of the past and he just couldn't stand it. When he'd stop being there for Jade, eventhough he promised to never do that.

And everytime Beck got the courage to say something, anything, to put an end to this situation, to face reality, he'd find an excuse not to. It could be Cat needing help with a paper, it could be Rex asking to go on a double date with him and Jade, it could be Robbie taking the request back. It could be André inviting him over to watch a movie. It could be Tori asking him to give her a ride home. Sometimes it was Jade giving him a look like he was crazy, so he'd give her a reassuring smile until she was satisfied and looked away. (Beck always kept looking.)

He hid from reality in those moments, ran as far away from it as possible. He closed his eyes, held his breath, and drifted away. After that he'd breathe and do whatever was necessary to keep reality away for a little longer. An afternoon or two for Cat's paper, a decline to Rex's date offer, an evening to teach Robbie how to be a gentleman instead. Two or three movies at André's, and a few hours of Mario Kart. A ride for Tori, and another one, a longer one, for him afterwards. Eventually looking away from Jade, because he just isn't ready for the alternative.

 

He knew it was no use trying not to think about the future, the end. His awareness of the situation has pretty much taken over his life. He felt like he had already jumped off a cliff, watching the ground come closer, pointlessly trying to brace himself. At the same time he couldn't help but also reminisce about the last three years of him and Jade, and it made him stupidly happy, like suddenly wings grew from his back and he could escape the inescapable. He thought it was ironic how holding on to happiness caused so much pain. Love was weird. What did that even mean, anyway? Being in love?

It was a stupid question, stupidly easy. Being in love meant being in pain. Except that pain is just overshadowed, or rather outshone, by the smiles, the touches, the looks, the words, the things that make it worth it. Being in love with Jade meant being yelled at a lot, getting the worst of her fury, the hardest of her hits, the most vicious of her words. But it also meant getting the softest touches, the sweetest kisses, the kindest smiles, the sincerest apologies. It meant getting to see a secret Jade, something so invaluably precious, that nothing could stop Beck from getting hurt voluntarily.

So when he felt like he couldn't breathe because his lungs were an hourglass and the sand was running out, like every second that passed was a needle that pierced his heart, when he felt so hopeless and pointless and useless, like the next moment could be the last, he'd find her and take her somewhere quiet, dark and desolate, away from everybody else. (The janitor's closet, that one restroom noone used, his RV.) He'd take her face in his hands and just look. Take his time. Kiss her slowly, deliberately, meaningfully. His hands would roam her body, run over every curve, touch every freckle, feel every hair stand up. He only got her off, with his fingers, because he wanted to be able to pay attention to her, focus on her, only her. And when she came, he just kept on going, he needed more, more, more, and everytime he did it with more care. Love. (Need.) He made love with her or to her, whatever, just to be able to breathe air instead of sand, to feel like he prolonged the impossible, this delirious idea that he had a shot at forever, or at least a little bit longer. And having her in his arms, looking up at him in complete wonderment and awe, he felt accomplished. _In love_.

And later (a few minutes, an hour, a day, a weekend) at school, Beck was standing at his locker, his right arm around Jade, not thinking about an expiration date. He was thinking about now, and how lucky he was to have come this far. But then he felt Jade stiffen next to him. He didn't have to look over to know Tori just walked into school, he just closed his eyes, held his breath, drifted away. Then he breathed. He'd just keep waiting. For the moment. When.


End file.
